Smitten Kitchen

If anything inspires me to cook - it's this blog... SMITTEN KITCHEN.

I don't know if it's her personality, the photos she posts, or what - but there are amazing things in here that I just love to try. She makes it seem so ... possible.

Don't forget to make use of the "surprise me!" feature on the left column whenever you are bored... it'll take up a lot of time!

and my house was a bulb of garlic

My roommate likes to cook. No really. Last night she started dinner for tonight. When I woke up this morning I thought I was waking up inside a gigantic garlic bulb. Gotta love it.

commercials

You know - those things you don't watch anymore because of the amazing invention of DVR... Yeah, those. I make those. I really don't care if you don't watch them though, I get paid either way =)

I started with this job of producing commercials almost exactly a year ago. I am still so thankful for the job. I am so blessed to have it. It's rough at times but when I think of how great it's been for me - teaching me to interact with local businessmen/women, learning 'technical' tricks, force my creativity, learning the community, getting involved in the community...just a lot of good things =) This definitely isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life but for now - I guess it's great!

I embedded the videos below but I'm not sure if that's just the first one or not. HERE IS THE LINK to all of the ones I've worked on and uploaded.

Thanksgiving Weekend to do...

...
-get home safely

-hope my plan to make Dennis not feel awkward is a success!

-visit with Brittany, Kristen, Becky and Julie Elyea, Ericksons

-go to Grand Haven for a sunset

-see snow

-get Christmas tree with family and take family Christmas photos

-possibly show Dennis the first house I bought

-tour downtown Rockford/Ada

-run the "Gobble Wobble" race Thursday morning

-do my best to make Dennis not feel uncomfortable on this trip

-relax

-watch "UP" with the family

-hmmm... I feel like I'm missing a 'to do'

And the moral of the story is...

Why do I worry SO much about what other people are doing (or not doing)? I think that's one of my biggest problems - judging (well next to pride, selfishness, greed, discontentment, arrogance...)

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yes, judging. It was raining on my drive to work this morning and one of my biggest pet peeves on the road is when drivers don't have their lights on when it's raining. I mean, I know it's a good idea, it's for your safety (and it's VA law)! Why aren't you perfect like me and do everything right? Oh wait (refer to previous paragraph Marissa)...

So anyways, I was driving along and noticed 4 cars right next to each other with zero headlights on. I'm like, 'alright, this is ridiculous folks'... so I flash my lights at them and suddenly notice I'm 2 seconds from seeing my last car without headlights... there's a car stopped in front of me that I'm about to plow into and I didn't see it just because I was SO worried about other people's actions. Needless to say, I didn't die on my way to work but it got me thinking how stupid I am sometimes. I am so blinded, distracted, concerned with how others aren't playing by the rules that it hits me from the side that I'm not either.

'God help me! Help me realize that focusing my eyes on YOU is all I need. I don't need to worry about others, their decisions aren't my concern because I have so much in my own life that I need to focus on because that's what will draw me closer to you... not judging my neighbors around me.'

MLIA

My Life is Average.

Ever been on this site? Talk about something that will eat up a lot of your time!

My favorite so far...
"I was sitting in my office chair when I moved and it made a farting noise. I casually moved again so people would know it was the chair. MLIA"

Just another Thursday...

I saw this bumper sticker this morning that read, "Midwives help people out." I thought that a was pretty shallow statement - I mean, what profession doesn't help people ohhhhhhh.... help people OUT... like babies. hahaha then I thought it was pretty clever =)

My brother is coming down this weekend with some friends. He didn't get to come last time with the rest of my family so that will be fun! I sort of feel bad for him though because I work all day tomorrow and am leaving straight from there to go to Richmond for the night but he decided to come with me. I'm running my first half marathon Saturday morning. I really hope I have more energy than I have on my last two "long" runs with Sara. We've both been draggin a little actually lately. She's worried she'll hold me back and I'm worried I'll hold her back in the race so we'll see who holds who back =) Usually there's something about races that is encouraging you to keep going no matter what and to encourage eachother so I'm sure we'll do fine!

Dullas to Amsterdam to Paris

Could it really be? Could I really be doing this!? My cousin, Nick, works for United Airlines and has offered to take me with him to Amsterdam in the spring for a VERY low cost. I couldn't be more excited. We have relatives there whom we can stay with to keep costs down and help escort us around this amazing city we like to call, "The Motherland." He told me United puts out these seat pocket magazines with articles giving ideas of what to do in 3 days in a City. He sent me the one for Amsterdam and I can't wait to see all these museums, windmills, canal boat rides... Seriously, I'm absolutely geeked. THEN, I was talking with my dad yesterday and he just mentioned that Paris (yes folks, PARIS) is only a 4 hour train ride away from Amsterdam. How much more excited could I get than geeked (because I was previously, already geeked before finding that out)!? So anyways... it's almost 100% sure that we'll be headed that way some spring of 2010. I'm a little nervous because it'd be flying a buddy pass and I know you don't ALWAYS get on your flights with those but I'll trust him to get me there and the rest is dream trip come true!

please don't make me sick

We're in this new phenomenon of "facebook status." We're obsessed with summing up our life at that time in our status for the facebook world to see. Now, for the most part, I don't have issues with people writing their status and reading a little summery of what they're up or or what they're thinking but PLEASE... I beg you, PLEASE... don't tell me the issues you're having with breast feeding. I know breast feeding is perfectly natural and I'm glad new moms choose to use it as a method of feeding their children but I don't want to know that you are "still having trouble lactating after 2 weeks" or wondering how you heal from a booby biting child. I know there are plenty of fellow new mothers out there who you feel comfortable sharing this information with but please remember the rest of us. Your old classmates, your pastors, your friends who all love you... and that's why I write this.

the land of spaghetti

Kristen, Heidi and I are planning a girls trip to Italy in June of 2010. Praying it happens...we shall see!

What's a synonym for 'awkward'? Cause I use that word too much in this post.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that was just plain awkward and you have no idea where the awkwardness came from or why!?

There's this guy at my church who reminds me (for some reason) of a guy I knew a while back and had a little crush on.  This guy at my church has a girlfriend, one of the girls in my Bible Study.  I have no interest in this guy but I can't figure out why it's awkward between us.

For example...

Saturday night after church we were cleaning up from dinner.  I went into the kitchen to grab paper towels to wipe down the tables.  He was the only other one in the kitchen, dumping coffee into the sink.  While he's handing me the paper towels, he says 'so Marissa, I don't think we've ever had a real conversation, how are you?'  I begin to answer and ask him if he's found a replacement car since his accident... as I'm asking he spills the coffee ALL over the counter.  (and you know how sometimes it's awkward when you're talking to someone and they get distracted? Yes? No?)  I have the paper towels in my hand so I rip off a couple and go for more and I knock the entire paper towel roll into the sink full of water!  haha  Thankfully someone comes in to break the awkwardness in the air and asks for the bathroom.  I show her and knowing I couldn't handle any more I just grab a few wet paper towels and tell him I've got to get to wiping tables and will talk to him later.  ahhh!  haha did I do and okay job of explaining the situation or no?  It was awkward. 

career change?

I've been thinking lately about a career change.  I can't pinpoint anything specific that made me change my mind to this but it must just be a bunch of things combined.  I want to do something with young kids but I don't know what.  Any ideas?  I'd love for it to be something that's school year-like...so I can have summers and holidays off.  Umm... is there anything that WOULDN'T make me have to have a bachelors degree? haha I know that sounds impossible.  I really don't want to pay to get a degree at all but I really think I would be well suited working with young kids.  The only things I can think of are pre-K and some type of day care. 

I just know I can't keep doing what I'm doing.  I don't love it, I definitely don't have a passion for it.

run run run as fast as you can...

I realized I've never written anything about running.  Probably because I've hated it for so many years of my life.  I ran my first race in the fall of '07.  I had just moved to Lynchburg and gotten a job working for ABC.  Our station sponsored one of the most reknowned races in the city so we had a free 'team' that could enter every year.  So happens that one of the weekend anchors broke her toe a few weeks before the race and was unable to run so there was an empty spot on the team.  A couple of my friends in production somehow convinced me to run the TEN MILES that year with no training at all.  I figured it was free so I may as well try it and see how far I could go, I didn't HAVE to run the whole thing, just because it was a race.  Somewhere between signing up and the actual running, my friend Sally and I decided to run it together and decided it'd be a good goal to not worry about our time at all and just make sure we ran the whole way and didnt' walk.  Crazy goal, but we did it and finished in under 2 hours.  I had boughten brand new Brooks running shoes for the race of course telling myself that I was going to start running.  I didn't.  Next year's ten miler rolls around and Sally and I enter again after very minimal training.  Finish again in just under 2 hours.  Again... didn't keep running afterwards.  This year ('09) I had made some friends over the summer who ran like crazy.  That motivated me to start running more and actually learning about setting goals and training and such.  I ran the 10 Miler with my friend, Sara, and we finished in 1:47 after our goal was 1:50!  It was a great feeling to have set a time goal and been able to beat it!  So all that to say, I ran my first trail race this past weekend - Liberty Mountain Deep Hollow 5k.  My goal was 40 minutes because I didn't know what to expect with hills and everything and I fnished in 28 minutes!!  It was so fun to beat a goal again.  So I guess you could say I've started running... it's pretty fun but I definitely still need motivation.

Addictions

Hi. 

My name is Marissa...

...and I'm a Craigslist-o-holic. 

Someone ALWAYS has something to sell and there is (almost) ALWAYS someone out there who wants to buy what's being sold.  It's like a big circle.  Like a community.  When I shop on Craigslist, I'm just helping to build a better community.  People love me for it.  That's how it works, right?

There's nothing like hitting that refresh button for Lynchburg and seeing someone posted some new furniture.  Even if you don't think you need it, you might change your mind once you see the attached photo.  Well Lynchburg is pretty small, so let's check Roanoke too because it's only an hour away.  How about Charlottesville?  They are close too and there are rich people there AND college students.  Whew - that was fun but not enough.  Sure, Richmond is a 2 1/2 hour drive but sometimes it's totally worth it - there are TONS more people selling things in Richmond and they are more likely to have exactly what I'm looking for at a good price!  I'll just sucker some boy with a truck into driving those 2 1/2 hours with me to go pick up that perfect sofa, loveseat, or entertainment center.  They'd be thrilled to do that, wouldn't they?

Seriously though, I need help.

Not quite Friday...

Do you ever have one of those days where you think your email is broken? Like you write what you think was twenty emails and noone responds within 2 minutes so you think it's not working? Kinda like when you call or text tons of people and noone responds and you look up to an empty road and wonder if you missed the rapture? No? That's never happened to anyone else? haha just kidding then...

Jennifer Jo Meier is thinking about going back to college to be a Surgical Tech. I don't know if you should capitalize those words but it sounds pretty important to me so I did. I could soon have a friend who's handing tools to a surgian! What a cool job! I think I'd throw up though if I did that, but good for you Jen!

I am missing McKenna so much this week. I don't know why. I was thinking of her even before I got that picture message I posted a couple days ago. She's just such a little pumpkin and she loves me! Sometimes I can't believe it.

Well I seem to be running out of words to say so I better should go. Maybe I have an email by now ;-) I better!

Holy - response to previous post

What DO I know of holy? How can I understand? Can I even? Take something that I am not... a bumble bee for example. Can I understand the workings and mind of a bumble bee? I can study it's actions and figure out a few patterns possibly and make guesses as to why he does something, but can I really understand why and what he's thinking? I don't think so because I am so far removed from what he is - I've never been a bumble bee.

Is it the same with the Holy, Almighty, completely Awesome God? Can I really understand His ways? Am I not expected to? He wants us to know Him... but that could be totally separate from understanding Him and His ways.

In conclusion.... I'm not far enough along in thinking this through that I have come to a conclusion :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" I guess I thought that I had figured you all out, I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about how you were mighty to save; those were only empty words on a page"

It's so true - I knew all the stories and learned the words to say... but they are as empty words on a page. What great lyrics to sum up how I feel sometimes. All too often I give "Sunday school" answers. I know better than to do that, I know that doesn't mean anything.

"learned to talk about how you were mighty to save"

So I guess if I can't totally understand God and His ways...I just should KNOW them and believe them? That's where faith comes in? We don't understand, we just believe. Hm... that's starting to make more sense. Really, all I know is who am I? Who am I?

What do I know of Holy - Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven

But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small

I never feared You at all No

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?Are You sacred?

Are You beautiful? What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?Are You sacred?

Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?

And a God who gave life "its" name?

What do I know of Holy?

Of the One who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your name

On earth and heaven above

What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?What do I know of Holy?

Picture from Mary, McKenna's nanny

"Mckenna has her hair like u sometimes wear it!!! She says 'i love you!'"

I don't know what I did to deserve so much love from this girl - she's such a sweetheart and hasn't forgotten about me after moving away 2 years ago!!! That just warms my heart =)

"Speak English, Walter."

That's what I'd title my film if I were to make one right now...

feelings talk - still a dreaded word

It isn't my intention to make this a "sympathy" post, just a strong reminder of how I feel now so that later in life when I'm raising my own kids, I don't allow them to grow up with the same problems I have.

My friend said something the other day about if a certain situation were to happen she would be absolutely furious. I got to thinking about that, if I'd be furious in the same situation... then I got to thinking if I'd ever be furious. It's such a strong reaction and a strong emotion to have. I don't think I have strong reations or emotions. Do I ever even get angry? I can't think of a time I've been angry. I can think of plenty times where I've been annoyed or simply bothered, but not angry. How does that come to be? I know it has something to do with how we were raised. We weren't raised to show emotions. What happens when you don't show emotion? You make a habit of hiding it. Showing emotion is embaressing. Even if it's a good emotion, it's automatically supressed. That's HORRIBLE... okay, maybe I'm getting a little angry now. Maybe the reason I don't have strong reactions and emotions is that I don't think through things? Anyways, back to what I was saying earlier - it's so horrible to suppress emotions because I can never talk through feelings with people.

100% some of the time?

Is giving 100% some of the time good enough?

Let's say I am at the mall and go into the first store. I am 100% Christ-like to the store clerk. I wander around picking up items I may want; have a casual, light-hearted, conversation with her; maybe pick something up off the floor and put it back; decide I don't want an item that is in my arms so I walk back to where I found it and put it where it belongs. She happens to notice and thanks me for doing that as most people would just set it anywhere. Alright, so maybe she didn't know I was a Christian by doing that, but that's not the point. The point is, when I left, she had an improved perception of me (and possibly others my age).

So I finish in that store and move on to the next. I walk in and shop around a little, causing noone any harm, just doing what I need to do. As I'm leaving, I bring the shopping cart to the general area they belong, take out my bags and leave. I didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but as I was walking away from the cart, a woman looked at me and I realized I could have just taken one extra step and pushed the cart in the same direction as the others and stacked it.

Now I was still thinking in my mind how good it felt that I did one simple little thing at the first store, it helped someone out, and they noticed... I gave 100% in the first situation but maybe only 50% in the second. The first store clerk thought highly of me because of my action and possibly thought I did that all the time, everywhere. The second lady could have thought of me as careless and maybe it even strengthened a view she had of all young people being careless.

My point being, to the second woman, I may as well have never done a good act in my life. She knows nothing about me. Both women were strangers and I will probably never interact with either of them again, but by one simple thing in each circumstance, they gained a perception of me. To the second woman's perception, it did me absolutely no good that I had just went above and beyond 15 minutes previously. Sometimes, in my mind, I tell myself that the good an outweigh the bad. That's probably not Biblical and certainly not true when it comes to strangers... so why should that be my idea in my normal everyday life, with my friends and people I come in contact with regularly. I can't justify being crabby to someone by telling myself that I'm USUALLY nice to them. It can't work that way, something's wrong with that.

God, please search my heart, find if there is any wicked way in me and don't let me justify it.

The tongue...

Gentlemen,

I’ve been thinking about writing you guys about this for a few months now but haven’t taken the initiative to do so until now.  In short: I’ve noticed a destructive and reoccurring pattern of gossip amongst our friends that has alienated some and damaged their trust.  This gossip has taken more than one form but it is most obvious in the way we treat the potential interests of the women in our circle of friends. The way we regard the men they pursue/are pursued by and the influence we exert on their friendships.

I absolutely do not claim innocence in this regard (nor do I claim that each of you is guilty). I have started and exacerbated my own fair share of this and regret my part.  And while I have been trying to help pull in the other direction for awhile now, I confess that I have taken a very weak handed approach. I have tried to counter balance and soften the gossip rather than helping stop it.  

As Christians we’re supposed to embody and represent the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  We’re called as Timothy was to treat women “as sisters, in all purity”.   I don’t think that we hold to these things as often as we should.  Instead, I have noticed a reoccurring pattern of bullying either passively or actively.  In this way, we try to shape the outcome to what we believe it should be.   

A very representative example of this would be the way many of us treated, and in some ways continue to treat, Melanie’s relationship with Tim.  The very first thing I heard about Tim was that he was a “douche-bag”. That he was “weird”. I heard jokes about his hair, clothing, way of interacting with people, his bike.  Before we knew him everyone was calling him “Timaceptor”. And while these things were seemingly harmless because they were said in secret, they had an effect on how everyone interacted with Melanie, Tim, and the couple they became.  Very few of us made a real effort to look past those first reactions and to get to know Tim the person.  It was much easier to ignore Tim the cliché than to deal with Tim, the friend of one of our best friends.  Even now, mockery has abounded at the way he proposed to her. 

These things hurt Melanie a lot. And while much of her absence the past year can be attributed to the rigors of law school, I believe she made less effort to spend time with us because of the way we treated Tim.  She conveyed in private to several the pain we caused.  

This is not the only time this has happened.  Recently I found myself participating in the same kind of runaround with Heidi’s friend Ryan.  The same temptation to condemn, form harsh opinions, make predictions, and manipulate Heidi with “advice” or friendly “jokes”. While these things may seem harmless, I know for a fact that feelings have already been hurt even in this situation…though we have every opportunity to correct this now.

I don’t want to belabor the point, I just want to encourage you—as I am encouraging myself—to literally not speak if I don’t have something constructive to say. As James says, “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.” And also “if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body”.

This isn’t just in regards to the girls and the guys they like but every aspect.  The same temptation to control, speak ill of, make light of someone else’s decisions is still there. We should be, without exception, protecting our friends from ridicule not participating in it.

Paul says in Ephesians that when the body of Christ is functioning properly, the body “grows so that it builds itself up in love.”  I would encourage you to consider that if you have a problem or concern with a decision a friend is making, limit those whom you talk to it about and how you talk about it. Make your primary concern, if necessary, to lovingly share this with the person involved for their benefit rather than making it a running joke behind the person’s back or trying to bully them into seeing things from your perspective.

As I said, this is written to no one in particular and is something I am holding myself to. I know this was long but I figured it is time to stop being subtle and be direct. 

I write this confident that there will be positive changes because I’ve seen many positive shifts within our friendships over the past 2-3 years.  We drank too much and we taught each other to practice self-control. We cursed frequently and stopped so that we might be more inclusive.  We joked coarsely and by mutual agreement stopped.

Thanks for listening and I encourage you all to keep me accountable in this and I will make every effort to return the favor.

Clif

---------------------------------------------------------------

I post this because I don't want to forget it.  I post this because I'm proud of my friend.  This is a pretty tight group that I've recently become a part of.  As the e-mail mentions, they've been called out on problem areas before as a group and have committed to improving in that area.  This is a good lesson to me, to take it a step at a time.  I can't be perfect all at once, but rather than seeing the impossibility in that, I need to look at it in phases I suppose.  I also need to learn how to "call people out on things."  I think I get nervous of what to say and how to say it.  I would love to look back on this post a year from now (if not sooner) and praise the Lord for how He's worked in my life in that area.. I pray there is great improvement, because God knows, there is much room for improvement.  

Blessed...

Now when He saw the crowds, He went up on a mountainside and sat down.  His disciples came to Him, and He began to teach them saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heave,

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:1-10

I read this passage but it didn't really grab my attention until the last statement.  

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

This passage is very familiar to me but I think that I've always thought it stopped after "persecuted."  Therefore, whenever I thought of those being blessed because they were persecuted, I thought of the Christians in China who are threatened, beaten, or murdered for their faith - not a Christian like me, sitting at a friends' dinner table, standing up for someone who is being mocked, or asking people to stop cussing and me being teased for it.  Now, I haven't done an extensive study on exactly what the word "righteousness" means, so I ought to do that... but if my guess is right, if we're standing up for what is right and being scoffed at, blessed are we.  

My Bible doesn't have a definition for the word, but it lead me to a passage in 1 Peter verses 12-14.

"For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears 

attend to their prayer...who is there to harm you if you prove

zealous for what is good?  But even if you should suffer for the

sake of righteousness, you are blessed.

And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled..."

There is so much I have to learn and to grow in, but one of those is definitely to be zealous for what is good, and not to fear the thoughts and feelings of people.  This will tie in somewhat with my next post, something that's been going on in my group of friends lately.

My favorite things

Mountains, hiking, camping, friends, campfires, sunshine... just a few of my favorite things all together made for a GREAT weekend. Saturday morning a group of us left for hiking in Roanoke. It was intended as a part of mine and Kara's "23 hikes in 2009" series we're working on but she had to back out. Me, Heidi, Jenn, Dennis, Cliff, Jon, and Jimmy. We arrived at the Appalachian Trail parking lot off highway 311 around 1pm. McAfee's Knob was the first hike. I didn't know much about it before I began, only heard a few things and seen a picture online. It was a medium difficulty hike I'd say, maybe even on the easy side of medium. I think it was about 2.7 miles to the Knob and man... when we got there, it was breathtaking for sure. The sky was bright blue with some white puffy clouds and we come out into a clearing and see this "knob" protruding right out over this huge, beautiful valley. It was amazing. We stayed up there for a while and hiked back down. The hike down wasn't too eventful but it was nice. Not quite the drenching sweat that we experienced as we climbed up! From the parking lot, Heidi and Cliff made their way back to the 'Burg to fulfill prior obligations for the following day. The rest of us took off to find a place to set up camp for the evening. We went to the parking lot of our next hike, "Dragon's Tooth." It wasn't too far away, also right off the AT. We found a good spot and only had to drag all our junk about a quarter a mile. We set up our tents and ate dinner... or was it the other way around? Probably... Everyone was SO tired. The evening chilled off a bit and we started a fire and just talked as long as we could stand to be up (mostly just waiting for the sun to go down!) Morning came after a long, windy night of attempting to not roll down the hill I was on and into the tent wall, as well as trying to ignore thoughts of the wind causing a very large branch to fall and stab me through the tent's thin walls! We ate a quick breakfast, packed up and Jenn and Jon left to head back. Dennis, Jimmy and I began our hike up Dragon's Tooth. It was a shorter hike but definitely more difficult. The first half was a pretty normal incline, once we got about half way it was stairs galore. The ground turned into large rocks and boulders that we had to step over and up onto. At some point along the way, I got what I deserved for wearing my Chaco's on the hike rather than suffering from blisters in my Merells. I hit a rock just right, catching my middle toe nail and tearing it right off. I didn't want to say anything to the boys so I just kept walking because I didn't want to complain! It didn't take long for every step to begin oozing blood and making my toe stick. There was so much climbing which was actually pretty fun because it was different. Finally we reached the top and climbed to the way top of these rocks. It was so beautiful! There was valley and hills all around. We sat up there and snacked a little. I got a little sick feeling between looking at my toe and being on the edge of this thing, but we were able to relax and just enjoy this creation. The trip overall was SO enjoyable. I couldn't be more thankful for the beauty we were able to see, the feeling you receive, and friends to share that with. Life certainly IS good and more than that, our God is good. Signing off for now but hoping for many more weekends like this!

my life would suck without you

Memorial Day weekend 2009. It was my third visit to the Florida Keys in the past 3 years. It's amazing to have such a good friend in such a great location that makes for such a wonderful vacation! The weather couldn't have been more perfect. Jen, Becky and I... tres amigas in the sunshine. We did a little snorkleing, boating, swiming, eating, sunset watching, driving and walking. Played with her family and hung out with friends.

Friends are so important. There are always going to be aquantainces in your life who come and go but then there are those friends who know your quircks, know your secrets. They know how you were in Jr. High and High School. You've danced together, cried together, parted ways and come back together, made movies together, watched movies together...the list goes on and on and what you realize makes those friends so special and unique is that they love you no matter what. You can go so long without seeing eachother or catching up but the second you're together, the stories and memories keep coming. They flow from an endless stream of great times and great people. You all live seperate lives with seperate jobs, families, dreams and friends but you come together and they all mesh into one. We had so much fun remembering all the great times we've had together. You can't replace friends like that. You can just say a joke and they know the circumstance and all the "inside" of it. You tell a small part of a story and they finish it. It makes stories good, you can just look through pictures and videos and laugh rather than flipping through and trying to explain the background and circumstances for each event and photograph. We each have dreams and everytime we're together we hear a bit more about them and encourage eachother in them. It was such a fun time that is hard to explain to people but it's a time that hopefully I'll remember forever. Friends come and go, (and move!) but there's always the real ones who you thank the Lord for every time you think of them.

Extremes

It's been a particularily bad night... mood wise. Our "mood" is such a funny thing, how in a sence it can be so fickle, and to those around us... determine who we are. You don't even have to do anything or have anything happen to you to have it change. It doesn't make sense. Well all week I've been on this sort of "high." Everything in life was just grand; no stress at work, friends wanted to hang out, leaving in a couple days for the Keys, bought a ticket to JH and WY for Britt's wedding, had a week off to go home in July, hair was cooroporating... you name it, life was good. There was this little voice in my head that would pop up everytime I'd get really giddy that would remind me I am susposed to focus my mind on things above, where thieves do not break in and steal and moths do not destroy. I absolutely couldn't make myself do it at the time though. I was so happy and had so many good things going for me that I couldn't imagine life better. I didn't want that 'happiness' to end and couldn't think on other things.

God blew me off that high horse today. Speaking of moods... right now I can't even imagine why anyone would want to live on this earth another day. I'm not being/thinking fatalistic at all, just realistic. There is so much evil in the world, people wanting to rape and kill, people who will do anything for money, people as selfish as they come. Store owners forced to close shop, people without jobs, people without food, people without love. Bills and laws being signed and passed that will only make life more difficult. An absolute downward spiral because as a people, we've turned a blind eye to evil. We look at a problem and determine it isn't ours to deal with, or ask what just one person can do and move on with our lives and the little bit we "can control." I know there's people out there who are in a much more difficult situation than I am. People who have much more to complain about than mood swings and "hidden" problems. But I think this goes to show that God cares about my tiny little heart too. I needed to be reminded that this place isn't my home, I'm just passing through. No matter what I am stoked about today, is nothing compared to what He is planning. What I'm wondering though is why I can't find that happy medium. Why am I either way excited or way depressed? I do know I need to spend more time in the Word and thinking about those things, things that will last.

Work... later

I'm glad I wrote that last post, not that I enjoy it or that it was a fun time in my life but sometimes I really need to be reminded of what the Lord has allowed me to go through because too often I forget. Overall, I have to say that I have such a great job. I work with such great people (for the most part) and I've just really been blessed. I'm learning alot, alot about me - being a young, female in the professional world; alot about others - the way they view me, sometimes with respect and sometimes not so much. Either way I'm learning a ton and am really growing as a person I believe. I am so thankful for this job and the oppertunities it has brought into my life, I know that not all days are good but I am so greatful that I have so many more good days than bad - so many people have it so much worse and I've really been blessed. I no longer dread coming into work, I actually look forward to it and somedays when I have stuff to keep me busy all day, I don't even want to leave...it's probably the Adderall....ha ha just kidding - baruk Hashem!

work?

I'm purposely trying to write this while the tears are still fresh and the feelings still real. All the while, praying that someday I will be able to look back on this and HAVE to read the words in order to remember the feelings. That all sounds so dramatic for talking about a job, but it's that bad right now. I don't know if it's just me or if this happens to everybody but right now, I can't remember a time when I was more overwhelmed. I have Palmer Chiropractic which I was handed a while back, they didn't like the pictures I took or the tag i made the first time. So we decided to give it another go, by this time it was already past the scheduled air date. They didn't like my script or my visual layout of the commercial so they rewrote it all. It doesn't bother me that they want and ahve a say in their commercial, it bothers me that I've begun allowing them to walk all over me. It's not a very plesant feeling and it sure doesn't help build confidence. They still haven't gotten back to me. I have First Dominion Home Health. I was SO intimidated on my very first meeting with Reya and Henry and I don't know how well I did but they actually did like my script so that was a help in the confidence/feelings area. I still am working on taking charge of these projects, knowing what my place is. So things are moving slowly on that project as well. Reya is barely ever in town so that minimizes our shoot dates and I sort of put her in charge of finding talent for the commercial and that's been SUPER slow as well. Again, the scheduled air date has come and gone. I feel like all the sales people are down there talking about the mistakes I'm making and how I'm slow at getting the ball rolling. I REALLY am always thinking about what other people are thinking about me. Is that because I judge people alot that I think they are always judging me? Sad. I have C & E's Restaurant which is all just edit and slowing me down, getting a little frustrated with the little things I haven't figured out about Premiere yet. What could have taken like an hour has turned into me staying at work until 8 o 'clock on two nights this week and I'm not even that impressed with the outcome. Although Wade did make a quick mention of liking my idea for it's template. That raised my spirits a bit! I need praise, I don't think it's that bad of a thing to need, is it? I've tried to tell myself that I'm okay without it but I really do need it to keep going and to reaffirm things. I have Williams Morrison Light & Moreau attorneys which is a little scary expecially because I know the guy is super busy so I'll maybe get one phone call with him. ONE. I still get nervous on the phone with people, I'm getting better but when I get nervous I can't think straight and i forget to ask questions and i forget what I need to do to get the ball rolling and use that phone call productively. Plus, shooting something for a lawyer firm... yikes. I have Workforce Solutions. This guy is a creep. And in our meeting he asked me how long I've been "doing this" for. He asked it in a demeaning way that really bothered me. And it bothered me even more when Kristin told him that we have a whole TEAM who would help me and when we go to shoot this, I wouldn't be shooting it by myself, someone would be handling the camera and all the "technical" stuff. I know she was just trying to save our tails but that was still annoying. So this guy doesn't seem to have a sense of humor but wants a funny commercial. Funny is HARD to pull off, you have to do it just right. Scary. I have Central Virginia Soil Consulting. They are a nice couple, a little intimidating, but I can get over that becasue they are nice. I have a script written for them and they tweaked it a bit but i think they liked it. I think that I may actually be able to shoot them first it looks like. I feel like I've wasted so many weeks doing nothing and now I have ALL these piled on my desk. Wade also has be doing a LHOV segment by myself in Roanoke on Monday, i really wish he'd taught me to use the DV cam but i have to take Lucy and the tripod... I can't be too overwhelmed by that, it'll be alright. Tab is intimidating but he is also a nice guy, he'll understand. I feel like I have even more projects than these, but maybe not. It's SOO many. I need to get them done and in Wade's box ASAP. I don't know if I've really been able to explain the overwhelming feeling that I've been feeling. It's hard to go home knowing there's so much you have to do and so much your behind on. There's times i want to quit so badly... just give up. Something is making me hold on. I don't know what it is. It's probably the LORD reminding me of things - "I can do all things through Christ who is my strength," "I will not give you anything that you cannot handle." It must be because I've imagined KC coming up to me and asking if I want to quit today and even though it would be so tempting, I don't know if I could do it. That'd be the easy way out and it would profit me nothing. Man, I don't feel like I did a good job of really explaining my feelings...to myself...for reading...later. Well I cried alot this week and I came right home and went to bed each night. I was a party pooper. Noone understands, Heidi tried one night but I don't think she really cares. Plus, I still totally can't explain my feelings. I just don't know how to do that. I wonder if I ever will be able to do that.

When you just need to get away...

I need a place where it doesn't matter. Where it doesn't matter what kind of car I drive, or what clothes I wear. A place where my opinion is allowed to be different than hers. A place where I am loved all the time. A place where I need nothing and worry not. A place where I am not intimidated, but rather accepted. I need You.

Most Important Thing

Does it make me better than you because I eat healthy, am not overweight, work out, don't smoke/drink? As opposed to you who stresses, eats horribly, smokes, drinks too much. If I were to die in a car accident some day and you were to live, does it matter one bit that I did all those things to work to take care of myself? There's something missing, there's a hole. I think I know who can fill that void. The world tries to tell me that I'm a better person in the long run because I take care of myself better than you. But when you're at my funeral, what made me better?

blah blah - not worth reading

You know when you just can't help but complain? Well... maybe that's not the complete truth - more like, when you just don't want to keep from complaining? I don't know why I want to so badly. And it's weird because I don't even know what I'd complain about. What's the matter with me? It's just nice to write out everything and know that noone but me has to read it. It's just this job... when I really think about it, I like it and I'm excited. I actually get to make commercials for people that will air on TV and hopefully sell their product better than anything else! I have a reason to learn this new editing software that I've always wanted to get my hands on and I get experience communicating with clients - a necessary but scary skill =) I don't know if I get too worked up about little things but it seems like the little things that I don't know are turning into big things. I like working on computers and editing and being creative but right along side that is a requirement for me to know all the "little/techinical" things that I never learned. Like resolution and frame rate and burning formats and everything that goes along with those. And that's just the computer stuff, then there's the cameras. That's a whole nother story. Lord willing someday I will be able to learn it all but I just don't know. I know people would say that it'll come to me while training, just ask questions. It seems alot harder than that. I feel like I've been put in a position that I'm not ready for. I don't know those things that are considered "basic" to my boss. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe he'd care less and wouldn't look down on me at all if I said I didn't know what all those things meant but I'm still too afraid to ask. This is dumb, and not helping so I'm outta here. One good thing about today is that my dad got his shirt in the mail RIGHT before he left for Canada. When I was home on break he comented on my "eh?" shirt and said he should get one before he goes to Canada. I thought of it last night again and they hadn't received it yet so I was annoyed b/c what's the point of getting it after his trip?? So anyways, I prayed about it (remembering that God cares about the things I care about) and it definitly came this afternoon right before he left. Praising the Lord in good times and it bad....