gloriously ruined

Well I'm almost 7 months into my experience of being a first time mom. No diapers, bottles, spit up rags or baby weight to lose. Instead, it's been a whirlwind of teenage mood swings, social workers, therapy appointments and school suspensions. If this were a story I was writing, I'd choose the infant. But it's not my story. I can't ever make that clear enough, I didn't chose this, this didn't chose me, God is working this together. He's the only possible way this story may one day have a beautiful, shiny ending. For many years I was building a 'life wall' using bricks that were completely average looking. Doing my best to set them all straight, using the perfect amount of mortar surrounding each block so it would be even and pretty to each eye that gazed upon it. That wall is absolutely worthless, because I was building it for the kingdom of me. There's another Kingdom and the God of that Kingdom builds glorious cities with the most beautiful bricks and stones. His walls aren't built for the same damaging reasons that mine are. They are carefully crafted to point eyes and hearts to the Creator of this entire universe. They may involve pain and hurt, yet they sparkle because they have an eternal element to them that can not be lost or stolen.

So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

So back to the mom thing. I've been a mom for 7 months, my daughter has been a kid for almost 14 years. 14 YEARS! This chick has way more experience at being a kid than I do at being a mom, can you see the disadvantage I'm at? Yeah, I've learned SO stinkin' much but even now I'm not prepared for this. Do you want to know what I think the biggest struggle is? The hardest part in all of this is lacking affection. I didn't have 14 years to grow to love this child. I didn't experience the "I'd give my life for you" moment that most parents feel the first time they lay eyes on their screaming newborn. I know as well as anyone that love is more than a feeling... but I keep praying that the Lord will shape my heart into a heart of compassion. A heart that looks ever so similar to His beautiful, loving heart.

When you foster and love a young person whose entire being has been so damaged, don't think that you can come out the other side with clean hands and a whole heart. To love them, you must enter into the pain and rejection. You will feel it yourself. You will tell yourself that you don't deserve to be treated like this. And then you will hear His voice, "she didn't deserve it either."

Someone once used the term, "gloriously ruined." My life plans have been ruined, gloriously.

A Salvation Story

It’s Friday and that’s a pretty good reason to celebrate but there is a much bigger party happening this weekend and I want you to know about it! I want to tell you a story about a very special group of young ladies. These girls are very dear to my heart yet that doesn't compare to how precious they are in the sight of our God. He’s loved them from the day they were conceived. He’s known them from the beginning of creation. He thinks of them daily and pursues them with His everlasting love.
But when she was born, the eyes of her heart became darkened by lies. She wasn't able to recognize His love because she was taught that love was a lie. She’s accepted pain and rejection as a way of life learning to defend herself by building vast, thick walls. She has a Creator but she knows none of the benefits of knowing Him intimately.

Until now. Lately He has been working on her heart, preparing it. She couldn't see it, of course, but she could feel. Sometimes it felt like hurt, other times there was a gentle and tender feeling she’d never felt before and maybe she was a little confused. But she liked it. She had certain adults in her life that were teaching her about Jesus and how His love was different than anything she knew. She wanted it so badly. Then there was the heart of another one of the girls who also heard about this great love. She felt that she wanted it but what if it rejected her like everyone else has, what if it failed? No, that’s too much pain, she’ll build another layer to the walls around her heart.

This is where this story becomes great. I can’t wipe the smile off my face. This past weekend God invited eight young ladies on a camping trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains in Bedford, Virginia. He hand-selected them, knowing the tender state of each of their hearts, He knew they were ready to trust Him. They went and heard the message personalized for each of them. They heard the message that neither height not depth, not anything else in all creation, can separate them from His loving presence. This salvation was presented to them as a gift that they could chose to believe and receive. Their faces beamed as He captured their hearts and gently made them white as snow. Each one made a decision that evening to become a brand new person by putting their trust in the only one who could save them from their sin. They felt unique and special as they learned they were finally a part of a family they would never ever have to leave. Though invisible, they are now clothed in garments of salvation, their faces radiant in His robes of righteousness. Shantia, Princess, Shameeka, Anyah, Anaijah, Amirah, Jade, and Demi are no longer orphaned, but welcomed; no longer fatherless, but cherished eternally.

I wanted your hearts to be able to rejoice alongside ours as the party in heaven continues! We are so excited to see decisions made and ask that you would be in prayer for each of our girls. God can use them in mighty ways in their dark world. Pray also for us leaders as we look forward to this privilege of being able to disciple the girls. Pray that we will not grow weary and lose heart and that we would be diligent in completing this race set before us. 

Katie's Courage

I read this blog post by Katie Davis and I think you should too :) - kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

--------------------------------

Just one little bird.

She’s up when the stillness of 5:30 nudges me awake and I struggle to peel back heavy eyelids. She’s up and she sings. I wonder how she can even tell that it’s almost morning. I wonder why she sings yet. I tip-toe to the coffee pot and flick on barely enough lights as to not wake my children, and this is my quiet time and I briefly just wish that one little bird would be quiet.

“It’s not light yet. Shhhh. It’s not light yet.”

I lift my eyes from the worn pages of Isaiah and my gaze falls on Sarah’s notebook, left haphazardly on the table after yesterday’s writing assignment. She wrote that I was brave. That I had courage. But as I sit there in the dark, I think that I am not.

I miss my friends. I know where they are, and that it is better, by far, than suffering and sickness, but I wish they were here. I miss Betty’s smile as I wiped her forehead and the way her weak hand felt in mine, her fingernails hot-pink. I miss the still, quiet hours by her bedside and the way her eyes understood even if her ears did not. I miss Katherine’s laugh, loud and audacious and when I see her children smile, I see her, and I wish the ending had been different.

And I see Sarah’s words on the paper, “Our sick friend lived with us for a long time and my mom was brave and took care of her. I saw her praying for her and I know that she was loved and cared for. My mom kept her, and she had courage.”

And I cry, because I do not feel courageous. I feel downright defeated sometimes. Maybe courage is not at all about the absence of fear but about obedience even when we are afraid. Courage is trusting when we don’t know what is next, leaning into the hard and knowing that it will be hard, but more, God will be near. Maybe bravery is just looking fear in the face and telling it that is dos not win because I have known The Lord here. I have known The Lord in the long, dark night.

The little bird sings loud in the dark. And slowly, the sun peaks over the horizon.

At school I ask Joyce what her definition of courage is, and she says, “to have faith.” Maybe that is just it. That we still tremble, but more than that we have faith. That even though we feel uncertain, we press into a God who is so certain, so sure, so steady. He carries us, He lifts our heads. And His unfailing love and comfort becomes our courage and our hope.

It is days later and it is raining. The huge drops pelt our tin roof so hard that we can hardly hear a thing, but as the rain slows, I make out a familiar noise and I laugh. It is the same little bird that cannot contain her song too early in the morning. I wonder where she is and how she can keep singing in this storm. I wonder why she sings. But the rain slows to a trickle and the sun peaks from behind the clouds and suddenly all I can hear is her glorious song.

“To have faith, “I think. And I wonder, does she sing because she knows the sun is coming?

And I want to be just like that little bird.

Hope is a crazy thing, a courageous thing. That little bird, she feels the sun coming, knows with certainty that it will come, even when she can’t quite see it yet.

We live in a world where innocent people suffer and good friends die and stories don’t have the endings we prayed for, and the pain and the hurt, it is everywhere. But the Joy and the Hope that we find in our Savior? It is everywhere, too. I do not have all the answers; in fact, I don’t have many at all. But this is what I know: God is who He says He is. And in the hurt and the pain and the suffering, God is near, and He is good, even when the ending isn’t.

And I can sing, because I know what is coming. I can hope, because I know Who is coming.

In the dark of the night, I have seen His face, and I have known His promises to be true, and I know the Light is coming.

And I want to be brave enough to hold out the hope of the Gospel to a world that is hurting and alone and afraid. Not a hope that is the absence of pain or heartache or suffering, not optimism disguised as hope that waits for the best-case scenario or happy ending, but a Hope that is the knowledge and full assurance that our Savior is on His way.

It’s not light yet, but I know Him, the One who is the Light.

And so in the dark, I will sing.

Glory

"There are a thousand ways to magnify Christ in life and death. None should be scorned. All are important. But none makes the worth of Christ shine more brightly than sacrificial love for other people in the name of Jesus. 

If Christ is so valuable that the hope of his immediate and eternal fellowship after death frees us from the self-serving fear of dying and enables us to lay down our lives for the good of others, such love magnifies the glory of Christ like nothing else in the world."

                                                               John Piper in Risk is Right 

this quote was very attractive to my soul. God has brought me to a place where my deepest desire is to serve Him by sacrificially laying down my life for the good of others. I pray that will be a large part of my witness to God's goodness.

but what does he mean when he states, "such love magnifies the glory of Christ like nothing else in the world"?

GLORY - what is glory? i've read it, heard it, sung it, and probably taught the word, but I think the meaning is far too lost among us. probably because it is a God word.

in another teaching, Piper speaks more to the glory of God.

"I don't know of any truth that is more fundamentally pervasive than God's zeal to be glorified, which means for us so to think, so to feel, and so to act as to make Him look as glorious as He is."

"let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven" Matthew 5:16

the goal of my life should be so to live that when people know me well enough, they will say 'God is glorious.' not 'marissa is glorious'.

a few projects

A few 'before and after' pictures from projects I've been working on lately (and not so lately).

thick skin

My entire body shook as I got into the car and punched an address into my phone’s GPS. Can she see my hands shaking uncontrollably? Inside is she laughing at how weak I am?

“I AM making you strong”

Since coming into my home over two months ago, she and I have had multiple other interactions very similar to today's. Every other time she has watched me physically fall apart at my loss of control.

“I AM your strength”

There isn't a bone in this body that is strong enough to stand up to or control the defiant behavior of my thirteen year old foster daughter. When I try on my own, I fail miserably. In my flesh I want to sass talk right back at those painful words flying at me, and what I wouldn't give to be able to physically pick her up and put her where I want her when she plays the ever popular ignoring game. But God whispers into my heart, reminding me that as alone and helpless as I feel, He is beside me. In Christ I am being taught to love. I learn that love suffers long. It wants the best for those who hurt you.

I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior. Psalm 18:1-2

My life is an example to many, because you have been my strength and protection. Psalm 71:7

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Psalms 46:1

our GREAT God

Imagine God to be big.

Okay, now go bigger...

...and bigger...

...and bigger still.

...has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand...and weighed the mountains in a balance.
Isaiah 40:12

from 'I' to 'we' in a way I never expected

because it's been just me for so long, I've been very aware of how often I've been saying 'we' this week. It used to be, 'I will be there' or 'I can do that' and has quickly become 'we will leave in...' 'we can do that'. I'd always imagined the 'we' looking much different though.

you're in your upper twenties, you didn't get married when all of your friends did so certainly you will by now and that's where your 'we' will begin. isn't it crazy how that is just the way that we think? it's even something that i've dreamed about for myself but fortunately (for God's plan), we aren't all exactly alike.

in this story, my 'I' became 'we' with receiving a distressed phone call and an immediate desire to help. 

a young girl who was a part of a ministry that I help lead was in immediate need of a home.

I have a home.

with zero training or preparation, proving this is something that only God can orchestrate, I am suddenly a foster mom to a 13-year-old girl.

there are so many questions that remain unanswered but if there is one thing I've learned - God doesn't ask us to care for the poor and needy, He demands it and demanding doesn't leave much room for me to ask questions or to worry about my needs or how I will be inconvenienced. it's about love, always about love.

so that's the story of how 'I' became 'we' and there's a real, live, God who gets the glory for it.

another brick

my toilet seat story.

I was sitting on my floor with a toilet seat in my lap, crying. I couldn't figure out the toilet seat on my own, I couldn't figure out how to install the light on my own, I couldn't do anything on my own. why would God give me a house I'm so incapable of fixing!?

after a minute or so of trying to think and be slightly clever, He told me to YouTube how to install a new toilet seat. I didn't want to. I wanted to give up and just have a guy come over and do it, it would take them like two seconds. He told me to YouTube it because I could do it myself and after all, it wasn't about it being easy or not, it was about trusting Him to help me, about experiencing Him. it was about building another beautiful, intimate brick onto my relationship with Him. it was about the satisfaction that I would feel after learning something new and completing the job, it was about loving Him more for helping me with a silly toilet seat. I could have called my friends' husband to come over and do it for me, but I'm so glad I didn't.

I am the vine, you are the branches. whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.          -john 15:5

work weekend with the fam

this past weekend was an awesome work weekend. it was so wonderful to have my parents and brother down here to help me with projects around my house. dad and brian added a finishing railing and gate to my previously open ended deck. they also built a bench which i'm super excited about! i could have never done that on my own and they did it with no plans and no instructions or anything! boys are so talented, i'm jealous.




while the guys were working on their suntans outdoors; mom, annetta, and i were busy inside painting my half bath, replacing door knobs (bye bye shiny brass knobs), cleaning, painting doors, and making lunches and snacks (very important for this hard working fam!). three of my neighbors stopped by to say 'hi' and introduce themselves. Edith, an elderly lady up the street, even brought us a pan of delicious sticky buns straight out of the oven!




Jade, Demi, Ameria, and Aniah came by to see what all was going on and helped Annetta nail in the bench seat! my parents helped me out and bought a lot of things for my house which was so super amazing! i even got a brand new vacuum for my carpet!

love my family!

my house may not always be perfectly clean,
but let's hope it never  gets to looking like this again!

here i am!

wow - it really HAS been a while, huh? my friend, Jen pleaded with me to update my blog (which, come to think of it, I'm not exactly sure why because she already knows everything about my life) and I have a couple minutes this morning so here you go!

so a couple months ago I decided my life wasn't busy enough (not) and decided to throw home ownership into the mix. it all seemed to have come out of nowhere but at the same time, I had no doubt that Jesus was asking me to buy this house. I am still not exactly sure why He wanted me to follow Him in doing this but I have my guesses: I was becoming quite comfortable in the comfortable life I was creating for myself, to allow me to get to know Him better through this, an opportunity to trust Him more, with this house i would be within walking distance of my UMA ministry girls... any of those reasons and maybe more that I am not aware of yet! one of the quotes i've been relating to lately is,

Jesus said that we should go,
He never said we would come back. - unknown 

He's blowing my 'worldly mind' out of the water with His way of thinking.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the Heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than you thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

there was a lot to do on the new house, a lot of little things which added up in time and $$, but it's basically completed and I am all moved in. I love my little house, I love coming home. the view from my front porch is one of my favorite parts

i absolutely love the skies here after a few days of rain. the clouds were thick this morning over the river

yesterday was my first car accident. it was rainy and everyone stopped quickly and i wasn't able to. boo :( the lady I hit was so kind though and the officer didn't give me a ticket! my sister drove me to work this morning, my friend is picking me up, and another friend offered me his extra vehicle until i can buy a new one! yay! God truly has provided.

Grandma Says...

well, here it is... Grandma's letters and phone calls have been pretty usual over the past couple months (other than her disapproval of my sister going on a missions trip to Africa because, 'all she has to do is pray for them, not go') but I wanted to record a special little line from a note I received earlier this week.

She hasn't been feeling very well lately so she was telling me how much downtime she has and how she enjoys sewing and making little projects. In my last letter to her I sent a picture of this little cloth zipper pouch that I saw on-line and thought was really cute. I asked if she wanted to make me a couple and apparently I also suggested she straight up sin while making them.

"I made 7 purses - some surprises. I couldn't bring myself to put movies on like you suggested. That's a NO-NO in my book. Worldly entertainment - I must chide you."

We all probably have different ideas of how Christians should be spending their time... she is very clear on her view :) She closes with, "Love as always & God's grace to you" because yes, I will be needing that grace the next time I sit down to watch a little 'worldly entertainment.'

she also took the liberty of sending me this super cute sketch of ways I could update the front of my new house

encourage

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'today', so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13

Soo...I share that verse because this week Juli and the girls taught me what a gift encouragement really is. At UMA Bible study, Juli was talking to them about this verse and then had them practice by giving me encouragement 'gifts' for my birthday. They went around one by one and shared something they liked about me or an experience that we had together. Juli sent me everything they said and I couldn't help but want to brag on what awesome little girls I have in my life!

Early Street Encouragement....Happy 29th Birthday from all of us!!

Princess: I like hanging out with you. When you took me to the art place for my birthday, that was fun. and I love you.

Tia: reeeeally pretty. I don't know why you're still single. I like seeing you at Mrs. B's house every week. I like your hair and dimples

Jadia: I like everything about Miss Marissa

Pearl: I like you a lot

Jade: I like every time you come and I love you very very much!

Keri: you're pretty

Nay: I like your hairstyles. I like how you help us at Mrs. Bourdon's

Aniya: she's a good friend. She's really tall. She's smooth. Good clothes...and BIG announcement later, "her teeth are shiny"

Kelsey: when she made me chicken soup when I was sick. She is really thoughtful

Shavia: I like the way you are. You're very pretty

Demi: you're so sweet and so nice. That's why everyone loves you & I love your "pimples" (dimples) ;)

D: you're nice and pretty and when you came to visit me at lunch.

Najala: you got me out of lock down lunch. I like your face

Rachel: your heart is full of pure goodness. And you'll travel to any extent to help someone.

China: shirts, clothes, hairstyles, you look pretty

Ameria: you're kind & pretty & smart & always want to help someone

Bre: kindest hearted person I know. So helpful

Juli Ann: what Jadia said, and a heart of gold. You act on what your heart breaks for, you don't just talk about helping people, you do it

I still laugh every time I read this!

Valentine's UMA style

If the only reason God has me single right now was to share that with our UMA girls tonight... then I am so grateful. I hate talking about myself but to see 18 beautiful faces look up at me as I made a few earth shattering announcements: no, I am not married, I do not have a boyfriend and, I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 26 years old... their reactions made me laugh :) Juli and I have already talked about how we dream of all of them being at my wedding someday. Not to watch me, but having known me single and just being able to witness Gods design for marriage.

We held a Valentine's party for them and spent the evening sharing the difference in the kind of life they are used to, and the kind of life they deserve because of how special they are to Jesus. I pray that each of their precious hearts felt the love of Jesus that will never forsake them.

picture taken by my friend, Bre, at our valentine's party!

But I'm not ready!

There are a thousand ways to magnify Christ in life and death. None should be scorned. All are important. But none makes the worth of Christ shine more brightly than sacrificial love for other people in the name of Jesus. If Christ is so valuable that the hope of His immediate and eternal fellowship after death frees us from the self-serving fear of dying and enables us to lay down our lives for the good of others, such love magnifies the glory of Christ like nothing else in the world. 

This is a quote by John Piper in his recently released book, "Risk is Right". I've downloaded a copy because it's free but I hate reading long things on my computer, so I haven't gotten very far, but that quote has stuck with me. God's been speaking to me in a way lately that I've never heard before, or never listened before. He's molding my heart to be more like His and I have done nothing on my own except to finally be willing. To finally commit to setting aside the prideful ways of my heart, seek where He is, and follow. It's not the easiest but He makes is worth while. It's not the most fun, but He promises joy and fulfillment. I've become more and more aware of the control that a 'self-serving fear of dying' can have on me. That fear is exactly where the Enemy wants me because I am incapable of doing anything for God's Kingdom when God is not my banner going into this war.

One thing I've been taught in my Bible study recently is that when God calls people to an assignment, He's not calling us because we already have the perfect skill-set for the job, He just wants obedience. Look at Abraham, Moses, and Saul (Paul); my favorite examples. Moses wasn't a professional desert tour guide and he hadn't taken public speaking classes in school. Abraham hadn't fathered a nation before, in fact, he'd messed up even becoming a father in the first place. And Paul, I couldn't think of anyone more opposite to send to the Gentiles. But God still called each of them to do great things for Him. Moses wasn't crazy about the idea but he obeyed and helped release the Israelites from Egyptian bondage, Abraham left when God said 'leave', and Saul basically became an entirely new person once God gave him a task to do.

I know what God's calling me to do and I've known from the start that I wasn't ready for it. Even the things that I thought I might be ready for, He proved me wrong! Suddenly that calling is taking a slightly new turn and all I want to do sometimes is scream, "I'M NOT READY FOR THIS!" There is that old saying, "If He's brought you to it, He'll bring you through it" I can trust Him to prepare me for what lies ahead, I can lean on Him every step of the way. I can humble my heart and let Him lead and watch Him do great and wonderful things.

The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters. 

3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake. 

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. 

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; 

my cup overflows.6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lordforever.

january

well we are nearing the end of january, 2013... the gym is already only half as full as it was two weeks ago, my intestines are still feeling a bit violated from my first colonoscopy last week, my 29th birthday is a month from this friday, i leave for hawaii a month from this saturday, i was bored and once again cut myself some bangs this morning, uma bible studies are back in gear, and i am currently working on two big craft projects:

BEFORE: reading chair re-upholstery (the seat cushion and footrest have already been recovered by previous owner)

BEFORE: TV cabinet re-do.

i'll update with after pictures as soon as they are completed! i will say one thing, the chair is about 50% complete and it has been an absolute beast of a project. mainly because it is a recliner, but also because it's upholstery and i think it's supposed to be a pain in the rear. my friend keely is helping me with this project and i definitely couldn't do it without her! 

birthday trip 2013

yes, i've booked a ticket to Hawaii to see my sister! she lives on the island of Kauai and i couldn't be more excited to visit! i've attached a couple of her instagrams for your viewing pleasure :) 

created for eternity

A portion of a letter written by C.S. Lewis in response to a question received. Recorded in A Severe Mercy:

"You say the materialist universe is 'ugly.' I wonder how you discovered that! If you are really a product of a materialistic universe, how is it you don't feel at home there? Do fish complain of the sea for being wet? Of if they did, would that fact itself not strongly suggest that they had not always, or would not always be, purely aquatic creatures? Notice how we are prepetually surprised at time. ('How time flies! Fancy John being grown-up and married! I can hardly believe it!') In heaven's name, why? Unless, indeed, there is something about us that is not temporal."

I would love to reason the way this man does.

resolution (of sorts)

Where I'm at now - a post to look back on

• I am learning what it means to be a Christian emanating love and not duty/judgement.

• I have started looking at houses for sale in our Urban Mountain Adventures neighborhood.

• I am finally beginning to look at my life with perspective. Questioning my decisions, "which will matter more on the day I meet Jesus?" and, "how can my short life here have purpose?"

• I am looking for a more reliable car, finding the balance of something that will last and what is a wise amount to spend.

• I am evaluating my vacation days for 2013 and deciding how I will use them. A few options on the table currently: Holland, Honduras, Michigan, Hawaii, UMA adventure trips with the kids.

• I want to allow myself to make mistakes, and learn from them.

• I am learning about God in order to see Him for who He tells me He is, not who I've made Him out to be.

• I am learning who I am in light of who God is.

• I am seeking counsel to wipe my heart clean of a legalistic worldview.

• I am learning to not be afraid to be me. To stop pretending.

• I want to learn to be a better friend to those God has given me.

• I am learning to make a difference in my community. Not just talk about what should change.

Soooo much going on! What have you been putting off in your life that you want to see changed by 2014?

You are changing me from the inside out
Something deep within is welling up in praise
You're compelling me with unfailing love
Oh to lose my life in You that I might live
OhYou loved me and  love me
And You gave Yourself for me
You have resurrected my heart from the grave
I'm alive
You are telling me who I really am
I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live
but He lives in me and the life I live
in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God.
Oh Who loved me and loves me
and Who gave Himself for me
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now can see.
{I'm Alive - Shane & Shane}

reading lately

Have I mentioned that I've recently read this amazing, amazing book called Kisses From Katie? What a beautiful example of living out Christs love here on earth. A friend of mine often uses the phrase, 'being Jesus with skin on' and this young lady does an incredible job of displaying that. After initially falling in love with the Ugandan people on a short term missions trip, Katie Davis moved to Uganda in her early twenties in order to share Christs love. I love her stories, her passion to meet peoples needs, her heart. She left everything she had; her loving family, car, friends, boyfriend, and other American comforts to live in a poor village in South Africa where she can not even guarantee she will have electricity every day. If you haven't already, read it - there is nothing like reading a book about being obedient to Christ, written so beautifully by a heart that is everyday being obedient to Christ.

Another book I started just last week is called, A Severe Mercy. I'm only in the 4th chapter so I won't say too much about it but I have been very impressed. I generally am someone who is mainly comfortable reading books written by people like me, about people like me... they are easier for me to understand. This book is a little out of my reading comfort zone but it's worth reading it as slowly as I am, pulling out the dictionary every other page or so just to be sure I'm following where he's leading. This is no 'Christian romance novel' but it is a love story. A true love story between two young people (and eventually between God and each of their hearts as well). I've never seen a love so guarded. Often times I think we see love as something that just 'happens' and so we continue to 'let it happen' until something goes wrong and then we frantically search for and try to kill whatever is causing it to falter. I've been amazed at the measures they take basically from day one in order to guard their love from the many things that could easily sneak in and destroy it. I really look forward to finishing this book and it's another that I'd recommend (mainly because I've heard so many people I know recommend it.)