I need your help, but not like that.

Again and again, this keeps coming up and it's still not sitting right with me. it's the same story ... you get to know someone with a deep need (education, acceptance, finances, love, employment, etc.). Your heart feels for them, you know that it can be better, you know there are ways to help them out of this bind. So you offer a hand, you offer advice, whatever you can do to be their support so that they can succeed in this. But after a week, or a couple months maybe, you come to find out something that alerts you. They start ignoring your suggestions and the offers you've given that aren't easy enough. You find out that they don't really want it unless it's free and they don't have to work for it. Then you become cynical. You become okay with saying, "I'll only help those who are willing to help themselves." And that makes sense in our minds, because I can't do everything for everyone I know who wants me to do life for them.

I believe that they truly want their situation to be different... but for them, it's climbing a jagged mountain that, for you, might only be a little hill. They have so much going against them; lack of education, ignorant support system, lack of self discipline from a young age, etc. But what should we do? I know I can't help them all, and even trying to help one might be so draining. But does that mean I completely let them go once they stop caring enough to change on their own?

"Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care, but because they don't"

That's the quote that I've heard spoken by someone I really respect. I have a hard time accepting that as something Jesus would do but the funny thing is, that's almost exactly what happened to me with my foster daughter. She didn't care, I could do nothing for her. I had the hardest time allowing myself to be okay with "giving up on her". But I really believe God allowed the situation to happen the way it did because she just didn't care.

So is this something that we take to God on a case by case basis and see what He has to say? My first thought is that Jesus wouldn't say that line to anyone. But then I think of the rich, young ruler. He knew that he needed to love God but in order to do that, he needed to do something that was SOO hard for him, almost impossible-seeming. All Jesus did was tell the man what he already knew. Jesus didn't hold his hand and go to his house and help him organize a "sell pile" of all of his things. Jesus knew the man could physically do that himself, and that he actually had to be the one to make that call. Jesus couldn't do it for him. So that makes sense to me. But my heart still breaks for my neighbors who may have either some form of mental illness or lack of wise upbringing. They don't have all the tools to make these decisions. They may be so wounded and broken that they need additional assistance.

I'm still not settled on a clear response to this situation I see over and over again. But I do continue praying for wisdom from the Holy Spirit. I know He will guide and remind me of all the things that Jesus taught. I know I'll probably mess up in my efforts to help the needy ... but that's okay. I need to love them and never stop. Love will look different for each of my neighbors, but they still need it. They need Jesus and He's asked me to point them to Him so I pray that if nothing else, I will always be faithful in that.