o·ver·am·bi·tious adj.
-Ambitious to an excessive degree- hmmm....
Who know's what it is, sometimes I feel like God put a bowl of dutch chocolate TCBY yougurt with gummy bears in my hand and told me not to eat it:) I have all these exciting plans of stuff that I COULD do, but why don't I? None of them are wrong necessarily. Am I not content now? Is this just one big circle? If I were to 'accomplish' some or all of this list, would I be satisfied with life? I don't think I would. If I'm not at the very least, completely satisfied with God - none of these would fix that desiring heart of mine. I just feel jipped (back to the TCBY part), I have such exciting desires but seem to lack the ability/strength/courage to carry them out! How frustrating (where is the punching bag when you need it;). Speaking of punching, my sister just told me I wasn't a very good singer...by punching the wall and waking the whole house up, rather than opening her door and telling me to be quiet. How rude.
Oh dear, it's about that time of night. The time where those random thoughts of life and people come to mind.
McKenna TOTALLY counted something ALL by herself the other day! I am so proud of her I could cry! We were walking out of Frederik Meijer Gardens, back to the car, and we pass motercycles that were parked. So not only does she know exactly what they are and starts yelling, "sicle, sicle ( like pop-sicle)" but then she goes.... "two scicle." I just wanted to stop and tell the whole world that this genious 18 month old just counted! Boy, how could I ever leave her? AH! I'll have to make sure she's a real brat the week before I plan on leaving (if ever).
I made these really cool cards for a couple friends' anniversaries... I hope they hurry up and have them, cause I'm so proud of them!
I got to go to a MSU football game today, first ever football game other than high school. I had a blast! It was an absolutely georgous day and MSU kicked butt. And the game was free, and my dad bought me a pretzel and peanut m&m's. Tomorrow is Sunday so I must be signing off.
-asta la vista baby-
2 comments:
Yeah I hear you on the planning Marissa. I have to say when it comes down to it with me it always returns to my relationship with God. When it's not the way it should be that's when I feel discontented and have all my big dreams. Not that having dreams or planning is wrong in any way but I know when I start to become restless that's when I neet most to get my relationship with God back on track. I might be able to help you out with one of your ideas...those questions you have about life...we might have some of the same ones so maybe we should talk about them sometime...love you Mariss!
i know what you mean about feeling "jipped" - having the ability to do things but not having the courage to do it. that's how i feel about the ability God's given me to sing. yet i throw up or atleast dry-heave almost every time i have to do any type of public speaking. it's frusterating, i know. i've had times where i've literally broke down and cried before God because i ask Him for courage to do it and ask Him to give me a way to use the gifts He's given me, and then when i have such a hard time giving a presentation, i get SO discouraged. 'cause i feel like i've let God down by not trusting Him enough or something. so...this really isn't a solution for you, it's more me telling you i know what you mean, i've been there - what am i talking about...i still AM there.
my question to you is *why*? *why* do you want to travel to all those places? *why* do you want to bike across the country? *why* do you want to be a student and live in the dorms (and why specifically at MSU or Cedarville)? *why* do you want to memorize the Sermon on the Mount? take some time to sit and really examine your motives for each of your plans you have. by doing that, you might find either a) motivation to carry the dream out, or b) that your reasons for wanting to do something weren't as you thought and maybe that'll help narrow down your list to things you can start acting on.
one thing's for sure, you're never going to be satisfied staying put and not taking initiative to carry out your ideas. you just won't be satisfied. i know this from personal experience. i was feeling more and more unsatisfied as the time grew longer when i was living at home after high school and not going to college. i knew i wanted to get away, i wanted to grow up on my own and become more independent. i wanted to see what God had out there for me, and the longer i sat around wondering, the more unsatisfied i felt. that's why i'm at liberty. and that's something i need to keep reminding myself of especially right now (because living out of a hotel without half your belongings really starts to wear on your sanity - hehe).
:::stepping off my soap box now:::
i know i'll talk to you about all this on the phone anyway, so i'll wrap this up now.
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