I'm purposely trying to write this while the tears are still fresh and the feelings still real. All the while, praying that someday I will be able to look back on this and HAVE to read the words in order to remember the feelings. That all sounds so dramatic for talking about a job, but it's that bad right now. I don't know if it's just me or if this happens to everybody but right now, I can't remember a time when I was more overwhelmed. I have Palmer Chiropractic which I was handed a while back, they didn't like the pictures I took or the tag i made the first time. So we decided to give it another go, by this time it was already past the scheduled air date. They didn't like my script or my visual layout of the commercial so they rewrote it all. It doesn't bother me that they want and ahve a say in their commercial, it bothers me that I've begun allowing them to walk all over me. It's not a very plesant feeling and it sure doesn't help build confidence. They still haven't gotten back to me. I have First Dominion Home Health. I was SO intimidated on my very first meeting with Reya and Henry and I don't know how well I did but they actually did like my script so that was a help in the confidence/feelings area. I still am working on taking charge of these projects, knowing what my place is. So things are moving slowly on that project as well. Reya is barely ever in town so that minimizes our shoot dates and I sort of put her in charge of finding talent for the commercial and that's been SUPER slow as well. Again, the scheduled air date has come and gone. I feel like all the sales people are down there talking about the mistakes I'm making and how I'm slow at getting the ball rolling. I REALLY am always thinking about what other people are thinking about me. Is that because I judge people alot that I think they are always judging me? Sad. I have C & E's Restaurant which is all just edit and slowing me down, getting a little frustrated with the little things I haven't figured out about Premiere yet. What could have taken like an hour has turned into me staying at work until 8 o 'clock on two nights this week and I'm not even that impressed with the outcome. Although Wade did make a quick mention of liking my idea for it's template. That raised my spirits a bit! I need praise, I don't think it's that bad of a thing to need, is it? I've tried to tell myself that I'm okay without it but I really do need it to keep going and to reaffirm things. I have Williams Morrison Light & Moreau attorneys which is a little scary expecially because I know the guy is super busy so I'll maybe get one phone call with him. ONE. I still get nervous on the phone with people, I'm getting better but when I get nervous I can't think straight and i forget to ask questions and i forget what I need to do to get the ball rolling and use that phone call productively. Plus, shooting something for a lawyer firm... yikes. I have Workforce Solutions. This guy is a creep. And in our meeting he asked me how long I've been "doing this" for. He asked it in a demeaning way that really bothered me. And it bothered me even more when Kristin told him that we have a whole TEAM who would help me and when we go to shoot this, I wouldn't be shooting it by myself, someone would be handling the camera and all the "technical" stuff. I know she was just trying to save our tails but that was still annoying. So this guy doesn't seem to have a sense of humor but wants a funny commercial. Funny is HARD to pull off, you have to do it just right. Scary. I have Central Virginia Soil Consulting. They are a nice couple, a little intimidating, but I can get over that becasue they are nice. I have a script written for them and they tweaked it a bit but i think they liked it. I think that I may actually be able to shoot them first it looks like. I feel like I've wasted so many weeks doing nothing and now I have ALL these piled on my desk. Wade also has be doing a LHOV segment by myself in Roanoke on Monday, i really wish he'd taught me to use the DV cam but i have to take Lucy and the tripod... I can't be too overwhelmed by that, it'll be alright. Tab is intimidating but he is also a nice guy, he'll understand. I feel like I have even more projects than these, but maybe not. It's SOO many. I need to get them done and in Wade's box ASAP. I don't know if I've really been able to explain the overwhelming feeling that I've been feeling. It's hard to go home knowing there's so much you have to do and so much your behind on. There's times i want to quit so badly... just give up. Something is making me hold on. I don't know what it is. It's probably the LORD reminding me of things - "I can do all things through Christ who is my strength," "I will not give you anything that you cannot handle." It must be because I've imagined KC coming up to me and asking if I want to quit today and even though it would be so tempting, I don't know if I could do it. That'd be the easy way out and it would profit me nothing. Man, I don't feel like I did a good job of really explaining my feelings...to myself...for reading...later. Well I cried alot this week and I came right home and went to bed each night. I was a party pooper. Noone understands, Heidi tried one night but I don't think she really cares. Plus, I still totally can't explain my feelings. I just don't know how to do that. I wonder if I ever will be able to do that.
Mountains, hiking, camping, friends, campfires, sunshine... just a few of my favorite things all together made for a GREAT weekend. Saturday morning a group of us left for hiking in Roanoke. It was intended as a part of mine and Kara's "23 hikes in 2009" series we're working on but she had to back out. Me, Heidi, Jenn, Dennis, Cliff, Jon, and Jimmy. We arrived at the Appalachian Trail parking lot off highway 311 around 1pm. McAfee's Knob was the first hike. I didn't know much about it before I began, only heard a few things and seen a picture online. It was a medium difficulty hike I'd say, maybe even on the easy side of medium. I think it was about 2.7 miles to the Knob and man... when we got there, it was breathtaking for sure. The sky was bright blue with some white puffy clouds and we come out into a clearing and see this "knob" protruding right out over this huge, beautiful valley. It was amazing. We stayed up there for a while and hiked back down. 
The hike down wasn't too eventful but it was nice. Not quite the drenching sweat that we experienced as we climbed up! From the parking lot, Heidi and Cliff made their way back to the 'Burg to fulfill prior obligations for the following day. The rest of us took off to find a place to set up camp for the evening. We went to the parking lot of our next hike, "Dragon's Tooth." It wasn't too far away, also right off the AT. We found a good spot and only had to drag all our junk about a quarter a mile. We set up our tents and ate dinner... or was it the other way around? Probably... Everyone was SO tired. The evening chilled off a bit and we started a fire and just talked as long as we could stand to be up (mostly just waiting for the sun to go down!) Morning came after a long, windy night of attempting to not roll down the hill I was on and into the tent wall, as well as trying to ignore thoughts of the wind causing a very large branch to fall and stab me through the tent's thin walls! We ate a quick breakfast, packed up and Jenn and Jon left to head back. Dennis, Jimmy and I began our hike up Dragon's Tooth. It was a shorter hike but definitely more difficult. The first half was a pretty normal incline, once we got about half way it was stairs galore. The ground turned into large rocks and boulders that we had to step over and up onto. At some point along the way, I got what I deserved for wearing my Chaco's on the hike rather than suffering from blisters in my Merells. I hit a rock just right, catching my middle toe nail and tearing it right off. I didn't want to say anything to the boys so I just kept walking because I didn't want to complain! It didn't take long for every step to begin oozing blood and making my toe stick. There was so much climbing which was actually pretty fun because it was different. Finally we reached the top and climbed to the way top of these rocks. 
It was so beautiful! There was valley and hills all around. We sat up there and snacked a little. I got a little sick feeling between looking at my toe and being on the edge of this thing, but we were able to relax and just enjoy this creation. The trip overall was SO enjoyable. I couldn't be more thankful for the beauty we were able to see, the feeling you receive, and friends to share that with. Life certainly IS good and more than that, our God is good. Signing off for now but hoping for many more weekends like this!
