gift of realistic expectations

I feel like I am a pretty sensible, realistic type of person but I suppose that could be up for debate sometimes! When it comes to marriage, I wonder how many of us single people have unrealistic expectations. How often do I say to myself, "oh, I'll be way better at communicating when I'm married", or "my insecurities will be erased when I have someone who has promised to love me unconditionally", or even "life will make more sense and marriage will give me a purpose"? I may be wrong, but I am guessing that I've been more influenced by books I've read and movies I've watched than real-life situations. How tragic and unfair would it be for me to stand at the alter and accept someone's promise of love while gluing these formed-in-my-mind (sometimes unconsciously) unrealistic expectations onto that man?

That's something I need to be working on now, while I am single. I don't really know how guys think but I am quite positive they have 'attained' a few unrealistic expectations of their own and what a beautiful gift that would be to erase all of those and see the other person for who they are rather than who you want to turn them into. For me, I know that I struggle with insecurity so it is important to me not to believe the lie that this issue can be solved by human love, no matter how deep and true. I know I am going to bring wounds into a relationship and I know that he will too, but I think that the more I practice leaning on God now for my healing, strength, security, purpose... the easier it will be to rely on my husband as my comrade, my friend and my help-mate, rather than expecting him to fill a role that only One can fill... my healer.

...and the heart breaks

I'll be honest. There are a lot of things that scare me about marriage but by far the biggest, is the whole cheating aspect. It freaks me out. I read all these books that tell me, as a woman, I absolutely have to do whatever it takes to fulfill all of my husbands wants and needs...whether I feel like it or not, or else he's going to look for those needs to be filled else where. That's a scary thought. Obviously if I marry someone, that would be my desire because I love him... but what if we stop communicating one day the things we need to feel fulfilled and I slack off. Is he going to want to stay at work longer because that's where he receives encouragement? Is he going to play sports more often because that's where he gets the "good game, nice work" rather than from me at home? Is he going to talk more with that woman who tells him the things he wants to hear and who gives him undivided attention? Wow, marriage is hard work and sometimes I am scared out of my mind. I pray that parents (especially Christian parents) will be raising their sons to know and understand what marriage is. It's highs and it's lows. To not grow up with the thought that divorce is an option...because the LORD HATES divorce. There are too many guys out there who I don't feel have that strict of an opinon on divorce and marriage. Some just figure they'll stick with it till there are issues, and some have all intentions of sticking with their wife for the rest of their lives but change that opinion down the road because of friends or feelings or whatever.

My mom told me this morning that my aunt (her sister) has been going through a really rough time because a couple weeks ago they found out that her husband has been having an 'inappropriate relationship' with another woman for the past 14 years! Wow, that makes my heart break. I can't even imagine the feelings of anger, betrayal, resentment that would come with that. I would literally want my life to end. Everything you knew about this person was a lie. You thought you were working as a team but something changed. It was gradual, but boy did it change. It just makes me sick to hear. I praise the LORD that she has 4 wonderful adult boys and 3 wonderful daughter-in-laws who are taking care of her and doing their best to protect her right now. WHY though? Why did he have to do that? Why does he still think that he has done nothing wrong? How can you forgive someone like that for hurting people that you love? Now, I've been hurt before... felt betrayed... and I've learned to forgive. The LORD has a way of showing us how to do that. But that is so hard to imagine at this moment.

I am going on a trip to Europe with her youngest son, Nick, in just a couple weeks which means we are going to have a lot of time to talk. Please be praying that I will have some words of encouragement for him that week. I told him this morning that I am praying for him but I don't know exactly what he's feeling. I think he is a Christian but I am not exactly sure, he tends to live a very worldly lifestyle. I just hope that I will be able to show him the real love of Christ and be able to pray with him and for him.