be sure to save some grace for me...

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

CHORUS

Really? I would be eager to listen to Matthew West (artist who sings this song) tell us about what this song means to him. I would be more eager to hear him back these lyrics up with Scripture. I mean...

"Save a place more me... Save some grace for me..."

Those two lines right there, it reminds me of our childhood thinking that we go to heaven to get a mansion and you walk over the golden bridge and through the pearly gates to get to grandma's mansion. Oh and grace...I guess they just chose to completely manipulate the meaning of grace because it rhymes with 'place' - and I mean, that's totally understandable.

"I want to make my home up in the sky just like you did."

I don't confess to know everything about heaven, but I do feel that my understanding has matured a little over the years to the point where I think the whole purpose of being in heaven is restored, perfect communion with God, the one who has saved us and redeemed us from all of our sin. The one who sent his own Son to die so that we could be shown grace - 100% grace. We'll be there, with every ounce of our being focused on Him and finally grasping his Holiness. FINALLY. The thing we yearn for so deeply on this earth. FINALLY sing 'holy, holy, holy' and mean it with all that we are. This song makes me cringe a little every time I hear it begin to play on the radio.

who would run on a mountain, anyway?

Time till Terrapin Mountain Half Marathon... 23 days.

WOW

What was I thinking? Actually I am feeling okay about it, right now. I remember how badly I wanted to die during my last half marathon though. This one is a ton harder considering the elevation changes and hills involved. I guess that's what you get for running on a mountain?

I printed off a "personal trainer" program that I made on Runners World. When I printed it off, I had 4 weeks to train. That's not a long time for someone who hasn't been running much. So far, so good. I still think that I will hurt, but I am praying that my training will pay off a little! One thing I am trying to focus on a little more this this around is my eating habits. Compared to some people, I eat great. Compared to others, not so great. There are so many rules and suggestions for runners when it comes to eating. I want food to give me energy, not take it away. I don't want to be sick to my stomach after every run. I also want food that will not sit and rot inside of me. It is such a nasty thought. The problem is finding things to eat, that I can eat ALL day long. On days after I train, I seriously could eat all day. I don't think I can feel full. Hunger is such a distracting feeling for me too, it is so hard to get work done or think straight when I am hungry. I think tomorrow I will make 5 sandwiches - 2 to eat at lunch and another one each hour.

I've been reading through this great book that my amazing friend, Jenny Meier, gave me for Christmas. It's a book put out by Runners World, specifically for women runners. There is a food section in there that I am working my way through. It has all this advice on protein, fiber, iron, grains, water... I don't fully understand it all yet, but I am trying!

Well hopefully I will continue to be able to kick up my training routine through March 27th. I do need to mention how thankful I am for my healthy body that allows me to do this. So far no injuries to report! Oh, that reminds me... I was at the Y last night and had to run 2 miles. So I hopped on the treadmill and it guided me through choosing a program. I chose a pretty hilly one because I was only doing 2 miles. The last question is asked me was the speed I wanted to start at. I don't remember a treadmill ever asking me that before (I also don't think I've ever set up a program on one before seeing how I've only used one maybe 3 times). I thought about my average speed and bumped the treadmill speed up to 10. Obviously I was hungry and not thinking clearly. Not long after pressing the "START" button did I realize that I had set the treadmill to 10 miles per hour! Who the heck would ever run that fast is what I want to know. I think I was thinking in my head that a good, slow pace for me is 10 minute miles. I sacrificed a small amount of my pride in that moment, but thankfully I thought fast enough to move my feet off to the side rails to slow it down. Of course that was in the front of a full gym.

oh oh it's magic

Yes folks, I believe it is love. Inspired by Heidi's electric razor and propelled by my vast animosity for shaving my legs... I went to Target and purchased my first electric shaver. Who says love can't come in come priced and packaged with a charger, nylon carrying case, and little black brush thing for who knows what. I am here to tell you that it can, it has, and if you don't believe me, come over and give her a try. She's even wet/dry which is nothing short of incredible. Now love can't be blind, so I will admit that we aren't talking beach ready legs here, but close enough! Close enough that all I have to do is toss this purdy little pink lady into my gym bag and we're good to go! I honestly do feel as though this will become a life changing purchase. Just you wait and see.

brokenness

Going through Nancy Leigh Demoss' book, Brokenness, in Bible study right now. We just finished a chapter titled, "Am I a proud or a broken person?" The chapter consists of proud versus broken responses that one might have, separated into categories. I found myself agreeing with WAY too many of them. For example, under the category of, "Attitudes toward others" she writes,

"Proud people are self-righteous; they think highly

of themselves and look down on others.

Broken people think the best of others;

they esteem others as better than themselves."

I don't even mean to but I catch myself doing that ALL the time. I barely smile at someone in greeting because I think I am better than them, I treat someone one way and find out that they hold a high position in their company and I think how I should have talked more or something and they'd take me out on their yaught... the list goes on and on. I am such a proud person. I am so quick to fault others and talk about their faults and failures and dwell on that in order to side step my own. I often respond in pride. I was convicted in that, specifically, I hang out with a lot of people who are very open and vocal about things they have done and things they will do. Other people may recognize them and think they are cool where I am sitting there thinking, 'now why are you paying so much attention to them? They were the proud, haughty ones who are telling the world of their accomplishments and achievements when aren't we supposed to not let our right hand know what our left hand was doing and all that stuff?' So I react super immature and make a noise of disgust when really I am the one who needs my heart examined. Along those lines, this was another point on her list,

"Proud people become bitter and resentful when they are wronged;

they have emotional temper tantrums; they hold others hostage

and are easily offended; they carry grudges and keep a record of

others' wrongs. Broken people give thanks in all things; they are

quick to forgive those who wrong them."

It's not that, in my example, people were wronging me, but I do become bitter and resentful of the attention they are getting. I do throw emotional temper tantrums and keep a record of wrongs. What right do I have to do something like that?

She gives so many more great examples that are so specifically dead on to how I react in situations. Proud people have a hard time admitting to being wrong, they are unapproachable and defensive when corrected, concerned so much with what other people think of them, and finally, proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sins to God whereas broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing sin.

Oh LORD, may my heart truly break for the things that break your heart. I NEED to stop acting like I am always right, like I always have the right of way or the right response. I NEED to stop judging people and thinking that for some reason I am better than them. I NEED to be more approachable with constructive criticism. I NEED to have a broken heart. Because a broken heart can always be mended by the LORD but a proud heart is giving grasp to the devil... whose hands would I rather bend and shape me?

"...'God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'

Submit therefore to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you...

Humble yourselves in the presence of the LORD, and He will exalt you." James 4:6-10

Valentine's 2010