brokenness

Going through Nancy Leigh Demoss' book, Brokenness, in Bible study right now. We just finished a chapter titled, "Am I a proud or a broken person?" The chapter consists of proud versus broken responses that one might have, separated into categories. I found myself agreeing with WAY too many of them. For example, under the category of, "Attitudes toward others" she writes,

"Proud people are self-righteous; they think highly

of themselves and look down on others.

Broken people think the best of others;

they esteem others as better than themselves."

I don't even mean to but I catch myself doing that ALL the time. I barely smile at someone in greeting because I think I am better than them, I treat someone one way and find out that they hold a high position in their company and I think how I should have talked more or something and they'd take me out on their yaught... the list goes on and on. I am such a proud person. I am so quick to fault others and talk about their faults and failures and dwell on that in order to side step my own. I often respond in pride. I was convicted in that, specifically, I hang out with a lot of people who are very open and vocal about things they have done and things they will do. Other people may recognize them and think they are cool where I am sitting there thinking, 'now why are you paying so much attention to them? They were the proud, haughty ones who are telling the world of their accomplishments and achievements when aren't we supposed to not let our right hand know what our left hand was doing and all that stuff?' So I react super immature and make a noise of disgust when really I am the one who needs my heart examined. Along those lines, this was another point on her list,

"Proud people become bitter and resentful when they are wronged;

they have emotional temper tantrums; they hold others hostage

and are easily offended; they carry grudges and keep a record of

others' wrongs. Broken people give thanks in all things; they are

quick to forgive those who wrong them."

It's not that, in my example, people were wronging me, but I do become bitter and resentful of the attention they are getting. I do throw emotional temper tantrums and keep a record of wrongs. What right do I have to do something like that?

She gives so many more great examples that are so specifically dead on to how I react in situations. Proud people have a hard time admitting to being wrong, they are unapproachable and defensive when corrected, concerned so much with what other people think of them, and finally, proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sins to God whereas broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing sin.

Oh LORD, may my heart truly break for the things that break your heart. I NEED to stop acting like I am always right, like I always have the right of way or the right response. I NEED to stop judging people and thinking that for some reason I am better than them. I NEED to be more approachable with constructive criticism. I NEED to have a broken heart. Because a broken heart can always be mended by the LORD but a proud heart is giving grasp to the devil... whose hands would I rather bend and shape me?

"...'God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'

Submit therefore to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you...

Humble yourselves in the presence of the LORD, and He will exalt you." James 4:6-10