relationship status

You aren't in a relationship with someone until it is on Facebook. And you aren't 'possibly' in a relationship until you make it known by your profile picture. What a world we live in, huh? I find it sort of funny. When Dennis and I started dating we didn't put up a 'relationship status' change. Actually, I don't think we ever even talked about it.... so I guess we will if he reads this post ;-) I just am not one of those people who enjoys all the attention that comes with it. A MILLION comments on my profile about having a boyfriend, well wishes, and whatever other silly stuff they'd like to post... not really my thing. This week (or last, I can't remember) I put up a picture of the 2 of us as my profile picture. I have had so many comments about it today at work, but I love it. =) It's gotten me in 2 great conversations about relationships and hearing other people's relationship stories and I've just enjoyed it. So anyways... when the 3rd or 4th person said something to me about it today I just got to thinking about how Facebook has so changed the way we view things....relationships.

And watch out Dennis, you now have 4 men who say they will hunt you down with their weaponry if you do anything to harm me. That's not a threat or anything... I'm just sayin'. =)

cooking...pride...cooking...

I used to think of myself as being a pretty good cook. I LOVED to find new recipes. Books, magazines, friends, strangers, moms, grandmas, my imagination, Food Network... you name it. Cooking was fun to me. You could be creative. Add a little of this, a pinch of that and you have something new every time. There was a lot of joy in cooking for myself but honestly (and any cook will agree) the greatest pleasure was pleasing and impressing other people. It was so fun to plan get togethers and parties just because you found a new recipe/creation you think they'd love. I would receive compliments often and it made cooking all the more exciting to me. People actually wanted me to teach them somethings and ask my advice on things. It was my style, I could choose what I wanted to make and how I wanted to make it. Another thing that made it so fun for me was that I was picky. Weird, right? I like it because I would see a recipe that was everything I loved except for maybe 1 or 2 ingredients. But the picture looked SO good that I would make it anyways. Maybe that was my own way of 'growing up.' So when I prepared the dish and picked out one less tomato than I had the last time, it was a success. I had made something and because I made it, I wanted to eat it. And from eating it, I learned to like new things.

Okay that was a lot of background... now to today.

I'm dating a chef. A straight up 'in love with creating dishes, trying new ingredients, voila!' chef. He is an amazing cook and I love it. I mean what girl wouldn't. It only brings 2 problems to our relationship.

For me: it's so INTIMIDATING to cook for him because I'm always thinking that he's thinking how it could be better. (Not that he always is thinking that, that's just how my mind works)

For him: it's so FRUSTRATING wanting to cook something new but knowing his picky girlfriend won't enjoy it as much.

Again, it comes down to my pride. I used to live in a small, little world where I knew how to cook. Now in all reality, have I forgotten to cook like I used to? No. Have I fewer or different ingredients than I once had? No. Do I have less recipes to look through and choose from? No. In fact all of those have increased in the past year or so. But now I live in this brand new world. A bigger world. A world where someone I am close to is better than I am. A world that I sometimes don't feel I entirely fit into because it is different. It is new. It is big. But I can grow up, I can adapt. There is nothing wrong with that. There is no one who has told me I have to get rid of all my past experiences as I enter this big, new world either.

Now that feels like an abrupt ending to me, but I am out of written thought for now. I just want to leave on this note - my boyfriend is one of the best cooks I know, even if I don't necessarily love the things he loves. It is still very impressive. I am learning a lot. I am expanding, slowly, to fit into this big, new world. And it is good. It makes me happy.

sort of like my 'morning page'

So Dennis and I set out to do a training run on Terrapin Mountain on Saturday. It was one of the more depressing moments of my recent past. Our directions said to run half a mile till our first turn. I didn't even make it a quarter of a mile before I needed to stop. I'm breathing hard now just thinking about that run! It was ridiculous. We didn't end up finding exactly where we should have turned so we never really turned at all. We went straight up this mountain. Literally, straight up. I don't think I have a good sense of reality in my head, when it said it was a mountain half marathon... I didn't picture a mountain. I think my mind likes happy thoughts so knowing me, I probably pictured a few rolling hills with beautiful meadows full of lovely flowers and the beautiful spring sun shining down on me. Talk about a reality kick in the rear. My bum hurts :)

Here's a total U-Turn inside this post.

I've been thinking lately... does it ever happen to anyone else when they really want to do something that is "God-related" you get SO easily sidetracked? I keep having that happen to me. One example would be Saturday morning. I woke up an hour before I had set my alarm and had an hour before I had to start making Heidi her birthday pancakes. I grabbed my Bible and a book and set up the stairs to bask in the sunshine and learn to better pray. I took a quick look at the mail pile and saw a bill for our Internet. I am in charge of that one each month so I opened it to find it was nearly double what it should be AND it said the payment was late last month. I was so flustered and decided that I needed to call them right that moment to get everything figured out because I wouldn't have time later. So I spent like a half hour on the phone with them, and then called my mom and by that point I had to make pancakes or I would be late. I started making breakfast and it just sort of hit me that none of the things I had done were bad, it was a productive morning... but they were distractions from what I had set out to do. I know I do need to set apart time for prayer and Bible reading and work really hard to be sure there are no distractions, and I can do that...but why are distractions so easy? It's strange. I have no doubt that the devil plays a part in that. He rejoices to see us put other things before time with the LORD. I just need to keep in mind that the LAST thing I want is to give the devil reason for rejoicing.

be sure to save some grace for me...

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

CHORUS

Really? I would be eager to listen to Matthew West (artist who sings this song) tell us about what this song means to him. I would be more eager to hear him back these lyrics up with Scripture. I mean...

"Save a place more me... Save some grace for me..."

Those two lines right there, it reminds me of our childhood thinking that we go to heaven to get a mansion and you walk over the golden bridge and through the pearly gates to get to grandma's mansion. Oh and grace...I guess they just chose to completely manipulate the meaning of grace because it rhymes with 'place' - and I mean, that's totally understandable.

"I want to make my home up in the sky just like you did."

I don't confess to know everything about heaven, but I do feel that my understanding has matured a little over the years to the point where I think the whole purpose of being in heaven is restored, perfect communion with God, the one who has saved us and redeemed us from all of our sin. The one who sent his own Son to die so that we could be shown grace - 100% grace. We'll be there, with every ounce of our being focused on Him and finally grasping his Holiness. FINALLY. The thing we yearn for so deeply on this earth. FINALLY sing 'holy, holy, holy' and mean it with all that we are. This song makes me cringe a little every time I hear it begin to play on the radio.

who would run on a mountain, anyway?

Time till Terrapin Mountain Half Marathon... 23 days.

WOW

What was I thinking? Actually I am feeling okay about it, right now. I remember how badly I wanted to die during my last half marathon though. This one is a ton harder considering the elevation changes and hills involved. I guess that's what you get for running on a mountain?

I printed off a "personal trainer" program that I made on Runners World. When I printed it off, I had 4 weeks to train. That's not a long time for someone who hasn't been running much. So far, so good. I still think that I will hurt, but I am praying that my training will pay off a little! One thing I am trying to focus on a little more this this around is my eating habits. Compared to some people, I eat great. Compared to others, not so great. There are so many rules and suggestions for runners when it comes to eating. I want food to give me energy, not take it away. I don't want to be sick to my stomach after every run. I also want food that will not sit and rot inside of me. It is such a nasty thought. The problem is finding things to eat, that I can eat ALL day long. On days after I train, I seriously could eat all day. I don't think I can feel full. Hunger is such a distracting feeling for me too, it is so hard to get work done or think straight when I am hungry. I think tomorrow I will make 5 sandwiches - 2 to eat at lunch and another one each hour.

I've been reading through this great book that my amazing friend, Jenny Meier, gave me for Christmas. It's a book put out by Runners World, specifically for women runners. There is a food section in there that I am working my way through. It has all this advice on protein, fiber, iron, grains, water... I don't fully understand it all yet, but I am trying!

Well hopefully I will continue to be able to kick up my training routine through March 27th. I do need to mention how thankful I am for my healthy body that allows me to do this. So far no injuries to report! Oh, that reminds me... I was at the Y last night and had to run 2 miles. So I hopped on the treadmill and it guided me through choosing a program. I chose a pretty hilly one because I was only doing 2 miles. The last question is asked me was the speed I wanted to start at. I don't remember a treadmill ever asking me that before (I also don't think I've ever set up a program on one before seeing how I've only used one maybe 3 times). I thought about my average speed and bumped the treadmill speed up to 10. Obviously I was hungry and not thinking clearly. Not long after pressing the "START" button did I realize that I had set the treadmill to 10 miles per hour! Who the heck would ever run that fast is what I want to know. I think I was thinking in my head that a good, slow pace for me is 10 minute miles. I sacrificed a small amount of my pride in that moment, but thankfully I thought fast enough to move my feet off to the side rails to slow it down. Of course that was in the front of a full gym.