When you just need to get away...

I need a place where it doesn't matter. Where it doesn't matter what kind of car I drive, or what clothes I wear. A place where my opinion is allowed to be different than hers. A place where I am loved all the time. A place where I need nothing and worry not. A place where I am not intimidated, but rather accepted. I need You.

Most Important Thing

Does it make me better than you because I eat healthy, am not overweight, work out, don't smoke/drink? As opposed to you who stresses, eats horribly, smokes, drinks too much. If I were to die in a car accident some day and you were to live, does it matter one bit that I did all those things to work to take care of myself? There's something missing, there's a hole. I think I know who can fill that void. The world tries to tell me that I'm a better person in the long run because I take care of myself better than you. But when you're at my funeral, what made me better?

blah blah - not worth reading

You know when you just can't help but complain? Well... maybe that's not the complete truth - more like, when you just don't want to keep from complaining? I don't know why I want to so badly. And it's weird because I don't even know what I'd complain about. What's the matter with me? It's just nice to write out everything and know that noone but me has to read it. It's just this job... when I really think about it, I like it and I'm excited. I actually get to make commercials for people that will air on TV and hopefully sell their product better than anything else! I have a reason to learn this new editing software that I've always wanted to get my hands on and I get experience communicating with clients - a necessary but scary skill =) I don't know if I get too worked up about little things but it seems like the little things that I don't know are turning into big things. I like working on computers and editing and being creative but right along side that is a requirement for me to know all the "little/techinical" things that I never learned. Like resolution and frame rate and burning formats and everything that goes along with those. And that's just the computer stuff, then there's the cameras. That's a whole nother story. Lord willing someday I will be able to learn it all but I just don't know. I know people would say that it'll come to me while training, just ask questions. It seems alot harder than that. I feel like I've been put in a position that I'm not ready for. I don't know those things that are considered "basic" to my boss. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe he'd care less and wouldn't look down on me at all if I said I didn't know what all those things meant but I'm still too afraid to ask. This is dumb, and not helping so I'm outta here. One good thing about today is that my dad got his shirt in the mail RIGHT before he left for Canada. When I was home on break he comented on my "eh?" shirt and said he should get one before he goes to Canada. I thought of it last night again and they hadn't received it yet so I was annoyed b/c what's the point of getting it after his trip?? So anyways, I prayed about it (remembering that God cares about the things I care about) and it definitly came this afternoon right before he left. Praising the Lord in good times and it bad....

The one in the middle

Today's sermon was from John 6... if you want to look at it technically it was filled with predestination talk but the way I saw it, wasn't from a "politically spiritual" standpoint but a very personal one. He used an example/picture today that really helped hit home. You're standing in between two friends. Friends who are your greatest, who know you the best, you are all so much alike. Then it comes to a desire for God. Your friend on your right is so passionate about his relationship with God and so at peace. Your friend on the left doesn't understand any of it, says it's all rubbish, he knows who God is, but God can't love him....


Then there's you... standing in the middle.


You, who knows who God is yet you don't love Him or hate him. Where did friend on the right's passion and desire come from? How come you don't have it?

We are like top soil, you go out to the hardware store and buy a bag of top soil, spread it out and wait.... and wait... and wait...where is the growth? Doesn't this stuff grow beautiful things you ask? Not on it's own, a seed must be planted. Plant that seed of desire, oh God. You say that anyone who comes to you will not be turned away. You long for us to know you, yet... where's my seed of desire? I'm begging, what am I doing wrong?

The "Happening"

It's a strange thing for me to hear someone who doesn't have a relationship with God, talk about chance and fate. I was talking with my cousin today and he was saying over and over again how amazing it was that this woman "happened" to be on the exact flight as him to answer all his questions he had about this particular, unplanned trip he was taking, and help him above and beyond what he was expecting? He couldn't get over the fact that she could have flown out of any other airport and on any other day but they happened to be on the same flight and it was all so perfect that they happened to meet up.

Now that tells me a lot about my worldview and how my perceptions have been shaped by my upbringing in the study of the Bible and how God works and moves in our lives. Mostly because the entire time he was talking about "chance" and "happened to" and how amazing it all was, all I wanted to say was "that's so cool how God can bring the right people into our lives at the exact needed moment?" But it also brings up the question in my mind - I've been around enough Christians to know that in that exact situation they would have been praying that God would bring the right person along their path who could answer all their questions and calm all their fears. When it did happen that way, there would be two responses; one, simple amazement and two, recognizing that God answered their prayer as they asked and they would praise Him and tell others of what God did to help them. So here's the question, even though my cousin wasn't giving the praise to God for what took place in his life, was it still God orchestrating? Does He do that in hopes that someday that person would recognize God's work, care and love? Does He do it so that I (the one of the receiving end of the story-telling) can give praise to God?